White as a ghost.....

im sick of your mind games.....seriously im done. Just say how you feel...just because you make it so i can't...you scared me you know...you really did. And the image keeps playing over and over in my mind. I can't be around you anymore. I really can't. i can't even talk to you...it's that ridiculous. Your crabby so what?? don't take it out on me....it scarring, it's horrible, it's sad. You just don't get it...i watch everything go right through you...your a ghost. You mise well not be here at all. All you do is sit there and yell and say things that simply should not be said. And you wonder why there's this "tension"....really how do you not see it?....I know i'm not the only one who sees this there's numerous but there all too scared to speak up....
I asked you one question... ONE. And this all happened.This sounds so cliche....but your ruining "it"....all of it. but you probably don't even care.

The biggest let down...

Why do you do it? You know your just gonna get let down again...but theres a certain spark, a flicker of hope i guess and you go for it...everytime. You fall in that hole and get hurt....everytime. And when you finally get out it's like you almost willingly jump right back in... Why don't you think about it?...Why do you fall for their clever tricks...there good...yes i'll admit there really good, but your better. I see it tear you up inside. It's sad. I see it get you so down that you dont even want to do anything but sit there. Its hard to watch. You've learned to hate the ones you love...well should love. But do you?...you say you do...well do you??...i want you to figure it out. It seems like it would almost be easier for you to get somewhere in life...cause it's holding you back... if you hadn't noticed...Once again your better than this...so much better. Come back to the way you used to be...when it all didn't seem so hard...cause your destined for so much better...i know it.

The last stretch...

in so many days it will be may...and that means that school is almost over....oh thank goodness. but who knows what this summer will bring....im almost scared because of all the things that are happening at this very moment. everyone and everything seems different....why?....it's a part of life this i understand but still..i wish it would just stop i guess....but i won't let it ruin my summer....yep im super excited!!!

Getting nowhere fast...

don't you hate it when people make the littlest things the biggest deals...oh its so annoying and yes i know i do it too but some people.....well it's just ridiculous. Like who cares who you sit by in this class or in the car...who cares if there going to be there too you don't have to talk to them ya know....nobody's making you. Who cares if they didn't ask you to hang out first...they still asked you didn't they?....who cares if you wear sweats every day....cause we all know i do....there just clothes aren't they?.....and who cares if they look at you funny... they probably just have something in there eye...and if not....WHO CARES!!........ugh sadly i could go on for hours....we all need to stop this.

The little things...

Your so small i can barely see you...like a speck of dirt on the floor. Oh but how you get me tugging at this insanely long hair of mine. Your in my head and i just can't seem to get you out...LEAVE...i just want to sit on a bridge and yell absurd things that nobody can hear....Why do i let you get to me...your hardly worth my time. Really your not even a big deal....I need to work and work at this...to form a new perspective on life....it's going to take some time..but i have some great motivation :)

Spontaneous...

That's what i want to be.....spontaneous. I want to stop taking life for granted. I want to live life to the fullest...no more sitting around or even just driving around. I'm going to do things now....i'm gonna have fun. But with all these things now i've become so busy...grrr. Hopefully i can figure this out...i have to.
Why do we treat life the way we do. Like it's always going to be here....like WE are ALWAYS going to be here....because we're not....we all know this. Yet we go on studying all night sometimes and worrying over these little things that are so not worth our short time here.....but we won't stop because to live "the life" this is what we have to do...
And who cares if you stay out a little late on the weekends why should you get punished...if you doing nothing wrong im sure you all agree....or have a taste of something new.....it's not that big of a deal..if you want it go for it....who cares what they all think....because who knows what tomorrow will bring....

Spring....

it's always this part of the year....i just can't bear it. And i don't know why. You would think i would be super pumped... i mean summer is so close i can taste it...i just don't know. Everything changes this time of year i guess you could say....at least that's how it seems. My moods, actions, and dreams. Really though i dream about the strangest things lately.....and i've heard it means something....but who really knows.
I wish i could figure it out.. but most of all i wish i could figure you out.... Oh you've really got me now....and i hate it.