The last stretch...

in so many days it will be may...and that means that school is almost over....oh thank goodness. but who knows what this summer will bring....im almost scared because of all the things that are happening at this very moment. everyone and everything seems different....why?....it's a part of life this i understand but still..i wish it would just stop i guess....but i won't let it ruin my summer....yep im super excited!!!

Getting nowhere fast...

don't you hate it when people make the littlest things the biggest deals...oh its so annoying and yes i know i do it too but some people.....well it's just ridiculous. Like who cares who you sit by in this class or in the car...who cares if there going to be there too you don't have to talk to them ya know....nobody's making you. Who cares if they didn't ask you to hang out first...they still asked you didn't they?....who cares if you wear sweats every day....cause we all know i do....there just clothes aren't they?.....and who cares if they look at you funny... they probably just have something in there eye...and if not....WHO CARES!!........ugh sadly i could go on for hours....we all need to stop this.

The little things...

Your so small i can barely see you...like a speck of dirt on the floor. Oh but how you get me tugging at this insanely long hair of mine. Your in my head and i just can't seem to get you out...LEAVE...i just want to sit on a bridge and yell absurd things that nobody can hear....Why do i let you get to me...your hardly worth my time. Really your not even a big deal....I need to work and work at this...to form a new perspective on life....it's going to take some time..but i have some great motivation :)

Spontaneous...

That's what i want to be.....spontaneous. I want to stop taking life for granted. I want to live life to the fullest...no more sitting around or even just driving around. I'm going to do things now....i'm gonna have fun. But with all these things now i've become so busy...grrr. Hopefully i can figure this out...i have to.
Why do we treat life the way we do. Like it's always going to be here....like WE are ALWAYS going to be here....because we're not....we all know this. Yet we go on studying all night sometimes and worrying over these little things that are so not worth our short time here.....but we won't stop because to live "the life" this is what we have to do...
And who cares if you stay out a little late on the weekends why should you get punished...if you doing nothing wrong im sure you all agree....or have a taste of something new.....it's not that big of a deal..if you want it go for it....who cares what they all think....because who knows what tomorrow will bring....

Spring....

it's always this part of the year....i just can't bear it. And i don't know why. You would think i would be super pumped... i mean summer is so close i can taste it...i just don't know. Everything changes this time of year i guess you could say....at least that's how it seems. My moods, actions, and dreams. Really though i dream about the strangest things lately.....and i've heard it means something....but who really knows.
I wish i could figure it out.. but most of all i wish i could figure you out.... Oh you've really got me now....and i hate it.

Let's drive away and be stupid...

Let's just forget it...and pretend it never happened....oh wouldn't that be great....at least for me it would. It's been driving me nuts. How did it happen?How did all of this happen?Why do we all act like it never did. All those itty bitty details are huge. So big i can't even comprehend them. And why is it just me who thinks about this...why don't you?You say im blowing this out of proportion...am i?....maybe...

i would like to think i am but deep down i don't think this true...or maybe i don't want to. Why wouldn't i?....everything was, is, so great and i have no reason to act this way....yet i do. Doesn't it drive you crazy too. You seem ok with it....is that bad too??

Why am i like this...Why do i ask so many questions lately.....Why am i so complicated suddenly....

I can't wait till this is over...

Go away...

Why is it when you come around i want to hit someone....or stay inside when it's so beautiful outside. I don't want to talk to anyone i just want to talk to my family.....it's weird. It's only when you come around too...WHY????...every single time. It doesn't make sense...you don't make sense....nothing makes sense anymore.

Sleepless Nights....

Screw it all....this fake little story you tell everyone. We both know it's not true....well that's a lie because from the get go i thought it was too....and now i feel dumb. I feel tricked and sucked into this way to soon......but i wasn't....was i? I don't know what i was thinking or how this happened. Why didn't anyone stop me? Why didn't i stop myself?...and because of this im here alone wondering....why. Im filled with questions and a burning feeling in my chest i know should not be here....its all so stupid. I've given up on you and your tricks....your nonsense and stupidity. or my stupidity...i tried to think it was reality when really it was all just a made up story.....I regret everything that happened today...why did i say these things?......uhhhh